I'm going to jail i love you
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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