Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i just had sex bonerless
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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