I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
