I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
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