(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
