i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
