Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
