the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize