I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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