Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
