Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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