fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
im having a threesome with these popsicles
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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