it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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