I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
