I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
