our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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