Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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