Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
