And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
