I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She's the barista slut.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
