god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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