Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
All I want is dick and wine.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
