it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
