btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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