mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
