it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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