oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
