I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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