based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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