you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Randomize
