Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize
