I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
