Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
