He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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