Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
