my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
