Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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