If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
