he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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