yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
