literally had 100 drinks last night.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Send help, water and tortillas.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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