My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
is that a dick in a sweater?
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