He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
