Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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