i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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