how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
