Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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