just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
