Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
