So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
