I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
