I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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