so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
