Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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