I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
