I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
