I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
