id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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