Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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