If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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