Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
