you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize