are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
