Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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