Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
