I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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